Perfect

Never knew this detour was a path
For caught up in speeding on highway

Just drove for miles and miles 
Until the dark and silence made me aghast
Headlights left on , brakes applied ,
Turning ,the view supposedly breath-taking
Heart-stopping , serene and harmonious

Gone ,
Just gone ,
Cut in too deep, 
Shocked by the extent
Numbed of the blood ouzzing out ,
Wounds were an year old ,
But so was the promise years old
Of Being PERFECT
 ( But in pieces I lie here now )

Irrationality grips me hard
The lies that once I accepted
Now come out and rip me apart
The bases I knew and trusted
Are all shattered ,
The solid ground , The hard place , The guiding beacon ,
The north star

Gone ,
Just gone ,
One missed step , One fall
Before the realization dawns,
Of your dusk 
But echoes in heart the promise
Of Being PERFECT
 ( But in pieces I lie here now )

Assault Me

All I ever wanted was to hold hands
What more could be a fantasy of 
A fifteen year old bibliophile
Whose only dream was Nobel in Physics
Don't know how it beckoned  you to assault me

Flashbacks
All I wanted ever  were friends 
Didn't know your pals were
Brimming with wicked intentions
I was naive and innocent 

Forced and extorted
I was bullied and bruised  

All I ever wanted was to hold hands
What more could be a fantasy of 
A fifteen year old bibliophile
Whose only dream was Nobel in Physics
Don't know how it beckoned  you to assault me

Now they feed you lies
You so easily dwell upon
Because seeing it all : the truth
You aren't built for that

Don't know how I escaped
When I cam so close ..so close
Just a moment away from being ......raped

Flashback
Prince Charming wasn't what I had dreamed
Just sweet and cute
Going on novel and study dates
But then exactly what occurred
Was beyond , beyond my worst nightmare


All I ever wanted was to hold hands
What more could be a fantasy of 
A fifteen year old bibliophile
Whose only dream was Nobel in Physics
Don't know how it beckoned  you to assault me


I am done with silence and hurting
I am done grieving and hiding
I am done annihilating myself
I am done crying over LOST ME

Standing up now for truth
Though I know it won't be accpeted
I won't mind dying on this battle-field now
For MY LORD knows I never betrayed you
And I won't be sad if my will doesn't prevail
For shall prevail Lord's Will

I won't be same as before
But for all I have learnt
I will be fine , No matter what
For my faith in Truth ,Justice and in Him will forever stay

Abuser/Ravager

Gazing out my window
Didn't know 
And then it hit me out cold

It was you ,ravager                 

Reminiscing your pretense on bike  ,
Conjuring up memories of your physique 
Then ascertaining it with dark figure of man
Only to find it true              

(Memories)
My breathing stopped  , hopes lost
Pain racing up my veins 
My unheard voice begging him to stop
Too fazed by shock and fear 
Couldn't figure out  a way to save me 
A very close shave with death
Thus Falling off  
The last straw was me on floor covered with tears , lies , injuries 
Darkness encompassing all of them
                                
Gazing out my window     
Didn't know 
And then it hit me out cold
It was you ,ravager 

Back to now , 
My hands trembled and lip quivered 
And work before me seemed an eternity away
Tried to lay back and went to sleep for reparation

Next thing I know is Dad waking me up
Telling me it's time back for chores
Blinking and shielding my eyes away from light
Couldn't  pinpoint the discrepancy between nightmare and reality

(Memories)
For the abuser held me so strongly in his roots
Bruises encased  my arm and face
For on that night ,it dawned on my soul

I had lost the battle 
Lost the world I created
Lost my integrity and true self
All at hands of egotist


Gazing out my window
Didn't know 
And then it hit me out cold
It was you ,ravager

Goodbye

Wondering when will the sun be found again

For in adversity mundane black and grey did overrule

Seeking your validation somehow started mattering more

For lost was me and thus the seed of abuse enlarged

Goodbye past , Goodbye narcissist 

 Goodbye 

Lay Me Down

Doubting for is he really a man

As emotionally caught he as child 

In web of traumatic pasts and fading memories

Unspoken grief turning him into 

Whose thought flinches him away

HE BEGS HIMSELF - TO LAY HIM DOWN

Abused , rejected , discarded

The lonely streets don't succeed

For he now hangs by very thread of HIS HIGHNESS

Works , worships and wails

Not all in vain - for unspeakable misery

is road-map to unattainable fame

only his birthright to claim

HE BEGS LORD - TO LAY ME DOWN

APOCALYPSE - THE OBLIVION

First you shot me

Then you walk away leaving me behind

Bleeding away into the darkness of cloudy night

My screams fade away in the deep woods

MAKING MY WOUNDS INTO MY APOCALYPSE

My carcass serves as food for scavengers

For no grave is dug and coffin is lowered

My voice sated with huskiness

As I whisper from Elsewhere

MAKING MY WOUNDS INTO MY APOCALYPSE

Wonder I watch you aging forward

As I still age backwards in time

For shall never live to see the Miracle

 MAKING MY WOUNDS INTO MY APOCALYPSE

WISHING

 Wishing upon a falling star

Wishing in legendary lotus temple
Wishing for a  long lost miracle rebound
Wishing an answer for my prayer

Wishing a cue in the unsolved dark mystery
surrounding the famous drowned treasure history
Wishing for a guiding angel to help tread upon the forbidden path 
Wishing so hope of thy deceived soul can return
Wishing going was not meant to be forever
Wishing for sun to blaze again


Wishing  dark sky to turn to bluest of fairy tales
Wishing themes of fairyland to come alive true in real life
Wishing for decisions taken in real time to be perfect
Wishing for life to finally turn a  new leaf
Wishing for loser-pretending-winner  to become a victor
Wishing a sad-smiling-go-to be the happiest widest grin ever flashed

TO-GET-HER (together)

Through the dark and deep alleys

Amidst the haunting cannibals

Fall of the heart of night

Ceases the lonely whores

Lighting their soul with eternity of paradise

Still whispers a voice of miracle "TO-GET-HER"

A shining beacon in the infinite sky

Guiding the detective through the woods of wilderness of crime , chirping sounds of moaning drug addicts

The trodden paths of disorder ; breaking and entering

Thus revealing forbidden secrets that are keyed up now

Inspiring a voice of miracle "TO-GET-HER"

Detached strings of lust and tranquility

Grab him fiercely again

For driven by necessity and acclaim

Thy hands shall pen down  the greatest lyrics

With the blood of miracle "TO-GET-HER"

Before the dawn shall the spell break

Of demon and of witches

Of vampires and of werewolves

Of pschopaths and of copycats

For still whispers a voice of miracle "TO-GET-HER"


IT SHALL BE A MIRACLE OF BOTH HISTORY AND AEON

HOPE

 Everyone know the truth now

Sets me free from pain and hatred

All those things that once bounded me                  

JUST FLY AWAY ONCE

I cant hold u now

JUST FLY AWAY ONCE

I know everything gonna be alright

Everything u said , everything u did

All those words and deeds 

Come back to me and make me realize 

That stars will again shine

That cold November will again stop

JUST FLY AWAY ONCE

I cant hold u now

JUST FLY AWAY ONCE

I know everything gonna be alright 

TANYA ANDERSON

Down the lane

The moment you stopped

The instant your intuition warned 

The stint your defenses shot up

The aeon you came down in flashes and up in smoke

IN A HEARTBEAT APPEARED.........................................

Down the lane 

Where words are lie

And trust is a road to deceit

Love a shortcut to use you

When songs become a memoir of your journey

IN A HEARTBEAT APPEARED ..................................

Down the lane

Pain your disease and tragedy  your drug

A false smile your go-to appearance

Forloness and tranquility color your life

All you can do is

A Shout-out to GREATEST LADY quoting

trust comes from a hopeful heart

For what zillion words fail to describe my gratitude , never being a girl of words 

I humbly request you to accept it

My Song

World dumped me

Took me over agian

Not as an afraid child who needs to hold a hand

To keep from falling

But as a bold, furistic robot who is stone cold to fears

Of a mortal life

I have died

& I die every minute over & over again

But none seem to notice

Those who notice pretend like it never happened

None wants to see the darkness beneath the budding flower

None wants to treat wounds and heal scars

I am used & made a victim of deceit and betrayal
Only to be awaken each morning in infinite cold

If only a heart could see the death

If only eyes could unlock the darkest secrets

I WISH IF ONLY..........

An Ode To Ghosts

Ghosts  of  a  mind's  delusion

Ghosts  of  a  hand's  creation

Ghosts  of  a  scared  heart

Ghosts  of  a  betrayed trust

Ghosts  of  a  lost honor

Ghosts  of a  false demeanor

Ghosts  of a  pile of lies

Ghosts  of an unreasonable rejection

Ghosts  of an infinite detention

Ghosts of  a   deceived  soul

Ghosts of  an unbearable pain

Ghosts  of  a  half-asleep world

Ghosts  of an irrational myth

Ghosts  of a ruined  intuition

Ghosts are points of reason a terrified brain creates to feel the tragedy and anguish again and over again in a heartbeat

HOW CAN

How can I say I am fine when nothing's fine

How can I care when everything I cared for isn't here

How can I sing  when I have lost everything

How can I be strong when I am bleeding my life out 

How can I say I am happy when happiest moments of my life were all fake 

How can I be intelligent when I have always been victim of deceit and betrayal 

How can I feel belonged when I don't fit anywhere

How can I tell my darkest fears when I know everyone will mock

How can I say I am awake when half of my world is asleep 

How can I dream when I fear closing eyes shutting out all memories

How can I feel love when I am stone-cold

How can I code that not even ruins remain of highest wall ever build

How can I say I don't even know or remember who i really was 

How can I state coldness, darkness & solitude as my best friends forever or worst enemies forever

How can be my life a more hell

How can this cloud's destruction lead to even darkest night darker than eclipse

How come it was me ,

Why me of all 6 million people

Just answer why? 

LOST

Lost in symphony of hell ,

Lost in literary world ,

Lost in world of people,

Lost in  web of  kinship,

Lost in coldness of night,

Lost in darkness of atmosphere,

Lost in solitude of what my life has become,

Lost to cold-heartedness

LOST , LOST , LOST

Will I ever be found again?

Will I ever be recognized again?

Will I ??????????

RED AND BLUE

My hands are red from pain

My  eyes  are red from crying

My nose red of cough

My clothes red of my blood

My life red with fury

BUT, 

My feet blue from cold 

My mood blue from truth

My skin blue of venial blood that flows now

My face blue of being hit by the cruelty of silence

My lips being hard from frost

 WHY THE HELL IS EVERYTHING RED AND BLUE ???????

Truth lies deep within abode of snow

Water tells the secrets eyes wish to woe

Hands tremble dreading the thought crossing mind

A thing so simple that it can't be anymore kind

Yet in this darkness an angel comes along

And holds hand and NOT AFRAID 

Tags me for the games life play

Maybe i am helpless satellite falling through a nighty sky 

or a walking encylopedia but living failure

no wonder who i am 

MOLLY U R REALLY BEST FRIEND AND THIS IS A SMALL TOKEN FOR MY FRIENDSHIP

KINDLY ACCEPT IT

HEART : INTUITION OR CONSCIOUS

Heart is like a tree and so  deceases a slow death

making each ray of hope fall like a leaf

and when all leaf r shed then sets in voidness

Heart is like a sea, a sea unaware of it's power .it's lust

and with  each  single drop evaporating it awaits it's future 

Heart is a flower where memories are written forever

just like a the lullaby asking what happened to goodbye

Heart is like a island where roads diverge but at annihilation still merge

and when experience says it's risky and proud says it's impossible

and reason says useless, the heart whispers " Give it a try"


Heart is a body whose wounds r healed with time

 however scars shall ad infinitum

Heart is organ that still beats after being torn apart , broken
and words some kept



Heart  is room where love is as light as flame 
and  doors for it leads to windows opened for pain

DON'T  FALL  TOO HARD FOR  ANYONE  CAUSE AT  TIME OF  DARKNESS UR  OWN SHADOW  LEAVES U