Saturday, December 22, 2012

Perfect

Never knew this detour was a path
For caught up in speeding on highway
Just drove for miles and miles 
Until the dark and silence made me aghast
Headlights left on , brakes applied ,
Turning ,the view supposedly breath-taking
Heart-stopping , serene and harmonious


Gone ,
Just gone ,
Cut in too deep, 
Shocked by the extent
Numbed of the blood ouzzing out ,
Wounds were an year old ,
But so was the promise years old
Of Being PERFECT
 ( But in pieces I lie here now )

Irrationality grips me hard
The lies that once I accepted
Now come out and rip me apart
The bases I knew and trusted
Are all shattered ,
The solid ground , The hard place , The guiding beacon ,
The north star








Gone ,
Just gone ,
One missed step , One fall
Before the realization dawns,
Of your dusk 
But echoes in heart the promise
Of Being PERFECT
 ( But in pieces I lie here now )

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Assault Me

All I ever wanted was to hold hands
What more could be a fantasy of 
A fifteen year old bibliophile
Whose only dream was Nobel in Physics
Don't know how it beckoned  you to assault me

Flashbacks
All I wanted ever  were friends 
Didn't know your pals were
Brimming with wicked intentions
I was naive and innocent 

Forced and extorted
I was bullied and bruised  

All I ever wanted was to hold hands
What more could be a fantasy of 
A fifteen year old bibliophile
Whose only dream was Nobel in Physics
Don't know how it beckoned  you to assault me

Now they feed you lies
You so easily dwell upon
Because seeing it all : the truth
You aren't built for that

Don't know how I escaped
When I cam so close ..so close
Just a moment away from being ......raped

Flashback
Prince Charming wasn't what I had dreamed
Just sweet and cute
Going on novel and study dates
But then exactly what occurred
Was beyond , beyond my worst nightmare


All I ever wanted was to hold hands
What more could be a fantasy of 
A fifteen year old bibliophile
Whose only dream was Nobel in Physics
Don't know how it beckoned  you to assault me


I am done with silence and hurting
I am done grieving and hiding
I am done annihilating myself
I am done crying over LOST ME

Standing up now for truth
Though I know it won't be accpeted
I won't mind dying on this battle-field now
For MY LORD knows I never betrayed you
And I won't be sad if my will doesn't prevail
For shall prevail Lord's Will

I won't be same as before
But for all I have learnt
I will be fine , No matter what
For my faith in Truth ,Justice and in Him will forever stay

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Abuser/Ravager




Gazing out my window
Didn't know 
And then it hit me out cold
It was you ,ravager                 

Reminiscing your pretense on bike  ,
Conjuring up memories of your physique 
Then ascertaining it with dark figure of man
Only to find it true              

(Memories)
My breathing stopped  , hopes lost
Pain racing up my veins 
My unheard voice begging him to stop
Too fazed by shock and fear 
Couldn't figure out  a way to save me 
A very close shave with death
Thus Falling off  
The last straw was me on floor covered with tears , lies , injuries 
Darkness encompassing all of them
                                
Gazing out my window     
Didn't know 
And then it hit me out cold
It was you ,ravager 

Back to now , 
My hands trembled and lip quivered 
And work before me seemed an eternity away
Tried to lay back and went to sleep for reparation

Next thing I know is Dad waking me up
Telling me it's time back for chores
Blinking and shielding my eyes away from light
Couldn't  pinpoint the discrepancy between nightmare and reality

(Memories)
For the abuser held me so strongly in his roots
Bruises encased  my arm and face
For on that night ,it dawned on my soul

I had lost the battle 
Lost the world I created
Lost my integrity and true self
All at hands of egotist


Gazing out my window
Didn't know 
And then it hit me out cold
It was you ,ravager

Friday, June 29, 2012

Goodbye

Wondering when will the sun be found again
For in adversity mundane black and grey did overrule
Seeking your validation somehow started mattering more
For lost was me and thus the seed of abuse enlarged

Goodbye past , Goodbye narcissist 
 Goodbye 





Saturday, May 19, 2012

Lay Me Down

Doubting for is he really a man

As emotionally caught he as child 
In web of traumatic pasts and fading memories
Unspoken grief turning him into 
Whose thought flinches him away
HE BEGS HIMSELF - TO LAY HIM DOWN

Abused , rejected , discarded
The lonely streets don't succeed
For he now hangs by very thread of HIS HIGHNESS
Works , worships and wails
Not all in vain - for unspeakable misery
is road-map to unattainable fame
only his birthright to claim
HE BEGS LORD - TO LAY ME DOWN


Friday, April 20, 2012

APOCALYPSE - THE OBLIVION

First you shot me
Then you walk away leaving me behind
Bleeding away into the darkness of cloudy night
My screams fade away in the deep woods
MAKING MY WOUNDS INTO MY APOCALYPSE

My carcass serves as food for scavengers
For no grave is dug and coffin is lowered
My voice sated with huskiness
As I whisper from Elsewhere
MAKING MY WOUNDS INTO MY APOCALYPSE



Wonder I watch you aging forward
As I still age backwards in time
For shall never live to see the Miracle
 MAKING MY WOUNDS INTO MY APOCALYPSE