Saturday, December 22, 2012

Perfect

Never knew this detour was a path
For caught up in speeding on highway
Just drove for miles and miles 
Until the dark and silence made me aghast
Headlights left on , brakes applied ,
Turning ,the view supposedly breath-taking
Heart-stopping , serene and harmonious


Gone ,
Just gone ,
Cut in too deep, 
Shocked by the extent
Numbed of the blood ouzzing out ,
Wounds were an year old ,
But so was the promise years old
Of Being PERFECT
 ( But in pieces I lie here now )

Irrationality grips me hard
The lies that once I accepted
Now come out and rip me apart
The bases I knew and trusted
Are all shattered ,
The solid ground , The hard place , The guiding beacon ,
The north star








Gone ,
Just gone ,
One missed step , One fall
Before the realization dawns,
Of your dusk 
But echoes in heart the promise
Of Being PERFECT
 ( But in pieces I lie here now )

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Assault Me

All I ever wanted was to hold hands
What more could be a fantasy of 
A fifteen year old bibliophile
Whose only dream was Nobel in Physics
Don't know how it beckoned  you to assault me

Flashbacks
All I wanted ever  were friends 
Didn't know your pals were
Brimming with wicked intentions
I was naive and innocent 

Forced and extorted
I was bullied and bruised  

All I ever wanted was to hold hands
What more could be a fantasy of 
A fifteen year old bibliophile
Whose only dream was Nobel in Physics
Don't know how it beckoned  you to assault me

Now they feed you lies
You so easily dwell upon
Because seeing it all : the truth
You aren't built for that

Don't know how I escaped
When I cam so close ..so close
Just a moment away from being ......raped

Flashback
Prince Charming wasn't what I had dreamed
Just sweet and cute
Going on novel and study dates
But then exactly what occurred
Was beyond , beyond my worst nightmare


All I ever wanted was to hold hands
What more could be a fantasy of 
A fifteen year old bibliophile
Whose only dream was Nobel in Physics
Don't know how it beckoned  you to assault me


I am done with silence and hurting
I am done grieving and hiding
I am done annihilating myself
I am done crying over LOST ME

Standing up now for truth
Though I know it won't be accpeted
I won't mind dying on this battle-field now
For MY LORD knows I never betrayed you
And I won't be sad if my will doesn't prevail
For shall prevail Lord's Will

I won't be same as before
But for all I have learnt
I will be fine , No matter what
For my faith in Truth ,Justice and in Him will forever stay

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Abuser/Ravager




Gazing out my window
Didn't know 
And then it hit me out cold
It was you ,ravager                 

Reminiscing your pretense on bike  ,
Conjuring up memories of your physique 
Then ascertaining it with dark figure of man
Only to find it true              

(Memories)
My breathing stopped  , hopes lost
Pain racing up my veins 
My unheard voice begging him to stop
Too fazed by shock and fear 
Couldn't figure out  a way to save me 
A very close shave with death
Thus Falling off  
The last straw was me on floor covered with tears , lies , injuries 
Darkness encompassing all of them
                                
Gazing out my window     
Didn't know 
And then it hit me out cold
It was you ,ravager 

Back to now , 
My hands trembled and lip quivered 
And work before me seemed an eternity away
Tried to lay back and went to sleep for reparation

Next thing I know is Dad waking me up
Telling me it's time back for chores
Blinking and shielding my eyes away from light
Couldn't  pinpoint the discrepancy between nightmare and reality

(Memories)
For the abuser held me so strongly in his roots
Bruises encased  my arm and face
For on that night ,it dawned on my soul

I had lost the battle 
Lost the world I created
Lost my integrity and true self
All at hands of egotist


Gazing out my window
Didn't know 
And then it hit me out cold
It was you ,ravager

Friday, June 29, 2012

Goodbye

Wondering when will the sun be found again
For in adversity mundane black and grey did overrule
Seeking your validation somehow started mattering more
For lost was me and thus the seed of abuse enlarged

Goodbye past , Goodbye narcissist 
 Goodbye 





Saturday, May 19, 2012

Lay Me Down

Doubting for is he really a man

As emotionally caught he as child 
In web of traumatic pasts and fading memories
Unspoken grief turning him into 
Whose thought flinches him away
HE BEGS HIMSELF - TO LAY HIM DOWN

Abused , rejected , discarded
The lonely streets don't succeed
For he now hangs by very thread of HIS HIGHNESS
Works , worships and wails
Not all in vain - for unspeakable misery
is road-map to unattainable fame
only his birthright to claim
HE BEGS LORD - TO LAY ME DOWN


Friday, April 20, 2012

APOCALYPSE - THE OBLIVION

First you shot me
Then you walk away leaving me behind
Bleeding away into the darkness of cloudy night
My screams fade away in the deep woods
MAKING MY WOUNDS INTO MY APOCALYPSE

My carcass serves as food for scavengers
For no grave is dug and coffin is lowered
My voice sated with huskiness
As I whisper from Elsewhere
MAKING MY WOUNDS INTO MY APOCALYPSE



Wonder I watch you aging forward
As I still age backwards in time
For shall never live to see the Miracle
 MAKING MY WOUNDS INTO MY APOCALYPSE

Friday, September 2, 2011

WISHING

 Wishing upon a falling star
Wishing in legendary lotus temple
Wishing for a  long lost miracle rebound
Wishing an answer for my prayer




Wishing a cue in the unsolved dark mystery
surrounding the famous drowned treasure history
Wishing for a guiding angel to help tread upon the forbidden path 
Wishing so hope of thy deceived soul can return
Wishing going was not meant to be forever
Wishing for sun to blaze again


Wishing  dark sky to turn to bluest of fairy tales
Wishing themes of fairyland to come alive true in real life
Wishing for decisions taken in real time to be perfect
Wishing for life to finally turn a  new leaf
Wishing for loser-pretending-winner  to become a victor
Wishing a sad-smiling-go-to be the happiest widest grin ever flashed

Friday, August 26, 2011

TO-GET-HER (together)

Through the dark and deep alleys
Amidst the haunting cannibals
Fall of the heart of night
Ceases the lonely whores
Lighting their soul with eternity of paradise
Still whispers a voice of miracle "TO-GET-HER"

A shining beacon in the infinite sky
Guiding the detective through the woods of wilderness of crime , chirping sounds of moaning drug addicts
The trodden paths of disorder ; breaking and entering
Thus revealing forbidden secrets that are keyed up now
Inspiring a voice of miracle "TO-GET-HER"

Detached strings of lust and tranquility
Grab him fiercely again
For driven by necessity and acclaim
Thy hands shall pen down  the greatest lyrics
With the blood of miracle "TO-GET-HER"

Before the dawn shall the spell break
Of demon and of witches
Of vampires and of werewolves
Of pschopaths and of copycats
For still whispers a voice of miracle "TO-GET-HER"


IT SHALL BE A MIRACLE OF BOTH HISTORY AND AEON

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

HOPE

 Everyone know the truth now
Sets me free from pain and hatred
All those things that once bounded me                  

JUST FLY AWAY ONCE
I cant hold u now
JUST FLY AWAY ONCE
I know everything gonna be alright

Everything u said , everything u did
All those words and deeds 
Come back to me and make me realize 
That stars will again shine
That cold November will again stop

JUST FLY AWAY ONCE
I cant hold u now
JUST FLY AWAY ONCE
I know everything gonna be alright 




Tuesday, August 16, 2011

TANYA ANDERSON

Down the lane
The moment you stopped
The instant your intuition warned 
The stint your defenses shot up
The aeon you came down in flashes and up in smoke
IN A HEARTBEAT APPEARED.........................................

Down the lane 
Where words are lie
And trust is a road to deceit
Love a shortcut to use you
When songs become a memoir of your journey
IN A HEARTBEAT APPEARED ..................................


Down the lane
Pain your disease and tragedy  your drug
A false smile your go-to appearance
Forloness and tranquility color your life
All you can do is


A Shout-out to GREATEST LADY quoting
trust comes from a hopeful heart

For what zillion words fail to describe my gratitude , never being a girl of words 
I humbly request you to accept it

Saturday, July 9, 2011

My Song

World dumped me
Took me over agian
Not as an afraid child who needs to hold a hand
To keep from falling
But as a bold, furistic robot who is stone cold to fears
Of a mortal life
I have died
& I die every minute over & over again
But none seem to notice
Those who notice pretend like it never happened
None wants to see the darkness beneath the budding flower
None wants to treat wounds and heal scars
I am used & made a victim of deceit and betrayal
Only to be awaken each morning in infinite cold
If only a heart could see the death
If only eyes could unlock the darkest secrets


I WISH IF ONLY..........

An Ode To Ghosts

Ghosts  of  a  mind's  delusion
Ghosts  of  a  hand's  creation
Ghosts  of  a  scared  heart
Ghosts  of  a  betrayed trust
Ghosts  of  a  lost honor
Ghosts  of a  false demeanor
Ghosts  of a  pile of lies
Ghosts  of an unreasonable rejection
Ghosts  of an infinite detention
Ghosts of  a   deceived  soul
Ghosts of  an unbearable pain
Ghosts  of  a  half-asleep world
Ghosts  of an irrational myth
Ghosts  of a ruined  intuition

Ghosts are points of reason a terrified brain creates to feel the tragedy and anguish again and over again in a heartbeat

Saturday, June 4, 2011

HOW CAN

How can I say I am fine when nothing's fine
How can I care when everything I cared for isn't here
How can I sing  when I have lost everything
How can I be strong when I am bleeding my life out 
How can I say I am happy when happiest moments of my life were all fake 
How can I be intelligent when I have always been victim of deceit and betrayal 
How can I feel belonged when I don't fit anywhere
How can I tell my darkest fears when I know everyone will mock
How can I say I am awake when half of my world is asleep 
How can I dream when I fear closing eyes shutting out all memories
How can I feel love when I am stone-cold
How can I code that not even ruins remain of highest wall ever build
How can I say I don't even know or remember who i really was 
How can I state coldness, darkness & solitude as my best friends forever or worst enemies forever
How can be my life a more hell
How can this cloud's destruction lead to even darkest night darker than eclipse
How come it was me ,
Why me of all 6 million people
Just answer why? 

LOST

Lost in symphony of hell ,
Lost in literary world ,
Lost in world of people,
Lost in  web of  kinship,
Lost in coldness of night,
Lost in darkness of atmosphere,
Lost in solitude of what my life has become,
Lost to cold-heartedness
LOST , LOST , LOST

Will I ever be found again?
Will I ever be recognized again?
Will I ??????????

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

RED AND BLUE

My hands are red from pain
My  eyes  are red from crying
My nose red of cough
My clothes red of my blood
My life red with fury

BUT, 
My feet blue from cold 
My mood blue from truth
My skin blue of venial blood that flows now
My face blue of being hit by the cruelty of silence
My lips being hard from frost


 WHY THE HELL IS EVERYTHING RED AND BLUE ???????


Monday, April 18, 2011

Truth lies deep within abode of snow
Water tells the secrets eyes wish to woe
Hands tremble dreading the thought crossing mind
A thing so simple that it can't be anymore kind
Yet in this darkness an angel comes along
And holds hand and NOT AFRAID 
Tags me for the games life play

Maybe i am helpless satellite falling through a nighty sky 
or a walking encylopedia but living failure
no wonder who i am 
MOLLY U R REALLY BEST FRIEND AND THIS IS A SMALL TOKEN FOR MY FRIENDSHIP
KINDLY ACCEPT IT



Tuesday, March 8, 2011

HEART : INTUITION OR CONSCIOUS


Heart is like a tree and so  deceases a slow death
making each ray of hope fall like a leaf
and when all leaf r shed then sets in voidness

Heart is like a sea, a sea unaware of it's power .it's lust
and with  each  single drop evaporating it awaits it's future 

Heart is a flower where memories are written forever
just like a the lullaby asking what happened to goodbye

Heart is like a island where roads diverge but at annihilation still merge
and when experience says it's risky and proud says it's impossible
and reason says useless, the heart whispers " Give it a try"


Heart is a body whose wounds r healed with time
 however scars shall ad infinitum


Heart is organ that still beats after being torn apart , broken
and words some kept



Heart  is room where love is as light as flame 
and  doors for it leads to windows opened for pain



DON'T  FALL  TOO HARD FOR  ANYONE  CAUSE AT  TIME OF  DARKNESS UR  OWN SHADOW  LEAVES U